What lies ahead
With November fast approaching, my emotions greatly intensify- it’s a big month for us! November is all about Brenley; really it is! We will not only celebrate another year of her beautiful life on the 7th, but on the 14th, we celebrate World Diabetes Day and 2 YEARS since being diagnosed with stage III cancer. Yeah, that’s a bit of a mouth full!
When I take a step back and reflect on our journey, strange feelings tend to take over. I find myself questioning, how it was that cancer, was our reality. I use the past tense verb “was” lightly, because here is the hard truth about cancer…it never just ends. Sure, the journey itself will come to a close, but it’s the kind of close where you’re able to reach the next chapter, but the book itself, you’ll never close. For the rest of Brenley’s life, as any child affected by childhood cancer, no matter the manner in which their cancer journey closes, they will forever be labeled as an oncology patient.
With cancer, the fear never fades. Even after treatment, clear scans, rebuilt immune system, port removal, and the ultimate goal of survivorship, the fear remains buried in the vault. It’s not just fear of the unknown, it’s the fear of missing something so crucial to their health. The fear of future health complications due to the harsh radiation and chemotherapy. The fear of missing your daily praise to God or a missed dose of medication; in our case, that’s Medical Cannabis! The overall fear of missing something is intense. As a cancer momma, it ALL relies on us. As a parent in general, it’s our job in life to protect our babies always, no matter what. They depend on us, for their every need.
You never just leave cancer behind. It never becomes that “thing” of your past, that the longer life goes on, the more you forget about it. My favorite is the “She was so young, only being 3 and going through cancer, at least she will never remember any of it.”, like her age makes it okay. My daughter at 3 years of age, conquered cancer while being a newly diagnosed Diabetic. I’m sorry, but even if there was a slight chance that she would not remember all of this…you better believe we’d remind her. She’s a damn superhero and she has beautiful scars to prove it! Cancer is apart of her childhood, and she deserves to be so proud of the incredible human being that she is.
Throughout treatment, Josh and I felt it was very important for us to be as transparent with Brenley as possible. This was our journey together, but it was her body and her life. Even at 3, she deserved to have a voice. In the weeks that lie ahead, I’m going to bring you in a little deeper. Giving you a glimpse of our candid everyday life, through cancer. But I can’t let you in too deep, I’ll save that for the book ♡
