The UNIMAGINABLE…Part 2

 

To pick up where I left off. It was November 2016, we had just celebrated Brenley’s 3rd birthday. Hard to believe our baby girl was already three years old, and a type 1 diabetic for 7 months. Just saying that in my head as I write this, makes my head spin. To think about everything she has been through at such a very young age. Sometimes I wonder how we ever got past that diagnosis. Yet, diabetes was about to become the least of our worries.

After 5 days of on and off belly pain, that only seemed to be getting worse. She had begun throwing up and her appetite was pretty much nonexistent, resulting in low blood sugars. With my mommy worries growing almost out of control, I felt something rather odd and unsettling. The left side of Brenley’s abdomen was slightly hard and distended, compared to her right side, which was soft to touch and normal in appearance. At this point, I did not know exactly what I was feeling in my daughter’s abdomen, but I did know, whatever “it” was, wasn’t good. It was one of those gut feelings that us mommy’s get, and hate when we do.

With Brenley’s six-month endocrinology appointment that Monday, November 14th. Josh and I contemplated what to do. Do we take her to our Children’s hospital ER, or do we wait it out 36 more hours? Being that the hospital is where our diabetes clinic is.

After talking it over with Brenley, as she assured us she was okay and wanted to wait until Monday. At this point (early Sunday morning), I couldn’t sleep, so I decide to get an overnight hospital bag ready. I was preparing for them to keep her, at least overnight.

Throughout the day on Sunday, her pain grew more and more intense. Her abdomen became harder to touch, the vomiting occurred more frequently and her blood sugar was even harder to control. As my heart couldn’t take trying to comfort her pain and wipe her tears. Around 2 am Monday morning (November 14th), we asked her what would make her feel better. Her response was rather shocking, “Mommy, I want to go to the hospital.”; and that was that. We grabbed the bag I packed earlier that day. Then Josh, Brenley & myself made the hour-long drive in the darkness, to Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh.

I will tell you, during that drive I held my baby girls hand so tight, as I tried to continue to comfort her while in her car seat and I prayed. I prayed hard, really hard. Asking God to be with us, to get us through, whatever this demon was that was causing our daughter so much pain. At that moment, I knew what my gut was telling me but it seemed hardly impossible for me to listen.

As soon as we checked into the ER, being that she has Type 1 Diabetes and now severe abdominal pain, there was no time wasted getting us a room. As the triage nurse walked us back, it felt like deja vu. All the emotions from exactly 7 months earlier, were flooding my brain. Just as I tried to calm those thoughts, and took a deep breath, we stopped. When I looked up, I couldn’t believe the room I was entering; ER room 7. The exact room we were in, exactly 7 months earlier. What are the chances of that! Could this be the first of many signs to come, from the man I have been so desperately pleading too? I couldn’t help but feel slightly comforted, being in a very familiar room, in a place such as this.

Within minutes, the ER attending Doctor entered our room. Highly concerned, he asked me to tell him everything over the last week, while he examined her. As I began to explain, I studied his face as lifted her hospital gown. Immediately, I noticed the expression of his eyes. Every sign was there, but my heart could not yet accept it.

Already knowing (but not saying) the beast we were about to embark on, he ordered 3 test to confirm. First up was in x-ray, chest abdomen and pelvis. When I laid her little body on the x-ray table and stepped back to hold her little hand; I saw it. The beast I was feeling in her belly, was now perturbing out like a grown man’s fist. I again, took a deep breath, as I grew closer to accepting what my gut had been trying to tell me, and I prayed the hardest…”Dear lord, I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME SOMETHING, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME MY BABY IS GOING TO BE OKAY! PLEASE I NEED YOU, SHE NEEDS YOU!”.

Only minutes later, we were headed to an abdominal ultrasound. Remember, back in my first post ‘Better Together’, I spoke about a song, that Josh and I call ours? The song is Better Together, by Jack Johnson, and I told you to remember that – here’s why…

The exact moment, the 3 of us stepped into that ultrasound room. It was as if time stood still. Our song, Better Together, started playing over the speakers only in that room. I for a split second, thought I had to be hallucinating. With Brenley in my arms, I turned to Josh, reached for his hand unable to hold back the tears any longer. I just remember his face, total fear and I told him, as I listened to every word of our song, “It’s all going to be okay”.

Although I was just as scared as he was, our song was the exact sign I needed. It was then, I knew God had his hands on our baby…

 

Dear God,

I am so grateful for you.

♡ Alyssa