Scan Day
Scan day
August 10th, 2018
These days are always complete exhaustion. Who would have thought anticipation could take so much out of you?
Once the treatment ends, and your left to find your way back to normal life, people often ask – “So she’s cured now, right?!” So sure that my answer to that question is going to be “yes!”. Truth is, cancer doesn’t really work like that.
When one becomes diagnosed with cancer, you automatically become a statistic. It seems to just be the matter of which percentage you will fall under; crazy right? To me, statistics mean absolutely nothing! Why should my daughter, or any other child, be classified as a percentage. From the start, they’re trying to fight a battle, a statistic says more than likely they aren’t going to win. Giving them the mindset, of failure – and mindset is everything…
From the very day cancer took over our lives, we always put our focus on the present. We didn’t beat ourselves up, questioning why, or wondering how. Nor did we try to look into a future, that we couldn’t see. “Today” was today, and that’s all we knew. Our challenges differed from one day to the next; no two were the same. One baby step at a time was the one and only way for us to persevere.
A long time ago, I made the decision to put all my trust and faith into a man I can not see, and that man has yet to let me down. Not a day passes that I don’t pray to him, thanking and praising him. For without him, there is not a chance I would have found this strength, deep down within me.
Scan days:
We tend to build up the excitement on these days. Some may ask why, and my answer to that is, “Why not?”. That place was our home, for quite some time. It’s about the only time, we get to reconnect with our second family. It’s like a big family reunion, total excitement each time we see one another. For Brenley, (and most oncology patients) her appearance changes, each new visit. Some of our dearest friends, do a double take! That sure is a beautiful sight; when Brenley goes unrecognized, for simply looking healthy!
Of course, these days, aren’t all fun and games. Truly, they’re mostly filled with uncertainty. Although, every night right before tucking Brenley into bed, she lies flat on her back, totally relaxed, while I examine every inch of her abdomen as I hold my breath. Like I’ve said many times before, my mother’s intuition has never steered me wrong – when it speaks, I listen.
On the nights leading up to scan day, my adrenaline seems to kick in. I’m getting our oncology binder and Beads of Courage packed up, along with everything diabetes, since a T1D doesn’t go away. I must have the juice (for lows), glucagon (for extreme lows, I pray I never have to use), snack time variety, her alkaline water, flavor packs and at least breakfast and lunch. Since she must not have anything to eat or drink leading up to her scans, her blood sugar must stay on track. Can’t be fighting a low, when you can’t eat or drink to correct it.
Needless to say, this mama doesn’t get much sleep on these nights. Instead, I usually stay up watching our Dex like a hawk, and writing. I reflect on all we have been through and how thankful I am for where we are today. When I start to think like this, it’s like my brain can’t tell my fingers to stop typing. Like my thoughts can’t keep up with my hands.
Once I finally decide to save my draft and close my Mac, I start to think again. Thinking about how it is I got through this journey, how Brenley did everything she did. How our family and friends supported us, and all their sacrifices. How many strangers rallied around Brenley and our journey, cheering us on from all around the world. The strangers that pray daily for our baby and our little family. For the many people, our little lady inspires and appreciating just how much she, and Brysen, inspire me. Thinking about all the signs, I’ve so graciously received from God. All the reassurances I asked for, he gave me, every single time…
& then it starts…my prayer. My very long prayer, and praise to the man I can not see, but I sure can feel. Thanking him for getting us here, for guiding and protecting us through our darkest days. For all his continued blessings, begging him, to touch all who so desperately need him. Giving them strength, hope, and peace, just as he gave to me. Just before saying “Amen”, I thank him one last time, as I kiss my little ladies goodnight, for I am so blessed he chose me to be their mommy!
As we wake up with the sunrise, I always have total peace. With all my faith and trust in God, I know he is going to continue to bless our little family, and on Friday, August 10th, 2018 – He did just that!
We celebrated our hero, Brenley J
Scan results showed, exactly ONE year, No Evidence of Disease!
God is so good!
As our clinic day comes to an end, and we say our, until next time goodbyes, we pack up and head home. Usually, Brenley takes a much-needed nap, and I call our family to share the news. Once we are all back home, we finish our evening just as we always do. After everyone is fast asleep, that’s when I get on my knees, and let it all out as tears of joy, roll down my exhausted face.
Though the fear may never fade,
my trust in the Lord remains the same.
These are our scan days…
August 10, 2017
Final Report: No Evidence of Disease
November 2, 2017
Final Report: No Evidence of Disease
February 8, 2018
Final Report: No Evidence of Disease
May 10, 2018
Final Report: No Evidence of Disease
August 10, 2018
EXACTLY ONE YEAR
Final Report: No Evidence of Disease
♡
