Our New Normal…
By the time we had arrived at the hospital, the reality of the situation really began to set in. Type 1 Diabetes was indeed, no joke.
The ER was expecting our arrival, no time was wasted getting us in a room, to be seen immediately. This had not been my first trip to Children’s Hospital, and it was not about to be my last. Six years earlier, my sister was rushed there by ambulance after passing out one morning, and experiencing seizer like convolutions. I remember that day very vividly, with 5 and a half years between us, she might as well be my first-born. That moment, I would say, had to have been the first time in my life where I knew what it felt like to actually be helpless. I will never forget the look my sister gave me that day, and now in the same ER room (#7), as that very day, the Deja vu was real.
The kind of feeling when your heart is in your stomach. When you are unsure if you have to puke, go number 2, or pass out. Yep, that was exactly how I was feeling in ER room 7, when my daughter was getting poked at over and over again, with a blood glucose of over 600 mg/dL. Scared isn’t even the word. The severity of this autoimmune disease is serious, and should never be taken lightly.
I was about to embark on 3 days of full-on education. Type 1 mama, was my new role, whether I was ready for it or not…
Once Josh arrived at the hospital, along with my mother we were able to settle into our room on floor 9A. This is where we would spend the next several nights. Mind you, Brysen had just turned 7 months old and was still on the boob, so she wasn’t leaving me, and my boobs didn’t want her too. Breastfeeding mamas, you get me! So all 4 of us made ourselves at home in room 907.
I have to admit, it took me an entire 24 hours before I stopped feeling as if I was not in control of my body. Although I managed to keep it together, mentally I could not stop my thoughts from drifting. Honestly, I was waiting for someone to pinch me…”Wake up Alyssa – this is just a bad dream, your baby girl is just fine!”.
The next morning, I remember hoping a hot shower, would be the refresher I needed. When I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me – I fell to my knees. I let it all out! Every part of my body shook, as Josh held me tight on the floor of our hospital room bathroom. For me, I am the kind of person that always holds it together, no matter how hard it gets…until I’m alone.
After sobbing on the nasty bathroom floor, that hot shower was a must! While I was in the shower, I just remember praying. Not just praying for everything to be okay, but praying to give me the strength to hold it all together. I needed him to help me, to give me all the knowledge I needed to manage this disease for my toddler.
Then to watch my baby girl, just 2 and a half, take every 2-hour finger poke and insulin injection like a champ! She never once fought it. It was as if she just knew, “this is what I had to do.”. Even though she did not like it, she knew she had too, so she just did! That right there is my Brenley J!
I knew together, she and I could conquer anything thrown our way!
She had a very innocent understanding of this disease, it was incredible. As if my prayers were already answered!
We made the most out of our 3-day hospital stay, it was like a party from morning till night. GiGi and MiMi came daily to help entertain the girls. Since part of our stay, was mini classes to educate us as much as possible on this complicated disease. We could not be anything but fully focused. Them being there, also gave us some time together to process everything that was happening and gather our thoughts.
Later Friday afternoon, shortly after my bathroom breakdown. Josh and I headed to the family pantry to briefly get away and grab a very much-needed coffee. In the midst of us fixing our coffee, a woman walked in, overhearing us exchanging our thoughts. Since the family pantry is rather small, eavesdropping is an easy thing to do.
The conversation that was about to occur between the 3 of us, was the one I did NOT want to forget. Seconds after the conversation ended, out came the notes on my iPhone, where I wrote down the entire thing…
Just after walking into the pantry, the woman, very nice I might add, looked over and said…”I couldn’t help but hear the two of you talking. What is the reason for your stay here?”. I responded with, “Our 2 and a half-year-old daughter, was just diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.”. I have to say, although I did not know the reasoning for her stay. I initially, was expecting some sympathy for Brenley, especially due to her age and the severity of the disease. Nothing could have prepared us for what she was about to say next…”Oh, well my daughter has been here for months. She has cancer and is fighting hard for her life. Be thankful its just diabetes and not cancer…”.
Both stunned, we were truly at a loss for words. All we could do was offer our prayers for not only her daughter but also her. We wished her the best, grabbed our coffee’s and headed back to our room. As we were walking in the hall, we were silent. We knew exactly what the other was thinking, without saying a word. That woman could not be more right. Although diabetes is a very serious, incurable disease – it could absolutely be worse. In that very moment, we could not have felt more thankful and blessed!
If only then, we knew the significance, that 3-minute conversation would have on our future…
♡
