Holding it ALL Together…
You know its funny when I was 16 I convinced my parents to let me get my first tattoo. I, of course, knew exactly what I wanted and where. Even before I knew they would agree, to allow me to get it.
The tattoo would be…”Your Greatest Strength Lies Within You”, located on my ribs slightly beneath my heart.
As a child, teenager and young adult, I’ve always carried a lot of weight on my shoulders. It never really bothered me, but the thing about it is, most of the time when you carry a heavy weight, you just do it! You know you have too, cause if you don’t, then who will? It’s even so, that you often don’t let yourself “feel” and address, the emotions you actually have about it. Whatever that “it” may be.
This has ALWAYS been my life, and then at 16, that statement being tattooed on my body meant something to me. Today, 10 years later, it holds even more significance…
When I became a mother, it was as if I was living in my greatest dream! Ever since I can remember, there is nothing I’ve wanted more, than to be a mother. However, you don’t often think about all the scary parts of motherhood. Not only are you solely responsible for the overall care and well-being of another human, but your molding this little being for the rest of their life. The pressure is real, it ALL depends on you – the parent!
Let’s get real for a minute. Parenting is HARD, like really hard! Every single day given to us is a blessing, and in the blink of an eye, your entire world can flip upside down. If that happens, what are you to do? Cry, ask “why?”, be angry, point the finger, find the one to blame? Or do you, take a really deep breath, hard swallow and bury your feelings, because the journey that lies ahead, is bigger than you?
The kind of task that is life or death. Any little error or wrong decision is the matter of your child’s life. This is the life of a childhood cancer momma/parent. Like I had mentioned, when you become a mother you don’t often think about your child not being here. You don’t wake up, so thankful for another day, because you just don’t know if today will be the last. That’s just not a “normal” way for a mother to think. We are supposed to spend our days with our children, simply enjoying them – savoring every single moment. Other than wondering if you can change your name because you’ve answered to “MOM?”, more than 137 times in a 10 hour period.
Certain things in life happen, that you don’t always understand. Not understanding is a really tough thing to accept. Especially when this “thing”, in our case, childhood cancer – happens to your child. How can it be, that such an innocent child, has to battle for their life on this earth? How is that fair? It simply isn’t, but how can we expect our children to accept the future that lies ahead for them. If the ones they look to most, for comfort, reassurance, support, love, hope, strength, everything…if we, ourselves are not ready? The answer is, we can’t…
We have to be ready to bite the bullet, hold our head high, stand tall, and find positivity in everything and anything we can.
As a mother, no matter what gets thrown at us, somehow, some way…we find the strength within us. To take that deep breath, hold it all together and conquer!
Mother, your strength is far greater than you know♡
